I still have a ways to go, but this past weekend was really good for me. I was invited to a cousin's house for a little gathering.
It was the first time in a while that I really felt comfortable and excited about going out to see people I don't always get to see. I can be honest now. The past few years I would cringe and have mini-anxiety attacks about going to various events in public. My little devil would allow the shame and embarrassment of how I felt about the way I looked, to cause huge anxiety attacks, to the point I'd be in tears as I be going out the door. I've talked about how I hated having my picture taken, but I don't think some people really understand the depth that it went into my head. But I now know there are a lot of people out there who understand the depth this fear can have on a person. So I'm more comfortable talking about it, hoping my journey helps them too.
Prior to the party, I started to get nervous and over think about what to wear. My cousin, Ann could tell you millions of stories about how I would change 5 or 6 times before we would go out in college. And that would just be for dinner. LOL I've always been a little self-conscience about feeling pretty and confident. My sisters could share tons of stories probably too.
Anyway- prior to the party, I knew I was already able to wear a size smaller pair of jeans, since I had worn them the week before. They were starting to feel a little looser, but I wasn't quite sure they were loose enough to try some of the next size smaller jeans I had been hanging on to. I was all set to stick just the one size smaller pair and see if I could find a new-old shirt in my closet to wear with it. As I was going through the clothes in the "skinny" part of my closet, I came across a pair of jeans I bought on clearance about 2 1/2 years ago. They were 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing this past July and still had the tags on them!
Instantly my little devil and angel were pulling my head in different directions. My little devil was reminding me about when I bought them. I hadn't tried them on in the store, and when I got home, I couldn't get them over my hips, let alone zippered. My little devil said not to try them on because if they don't fit yet, I would depress myself before leaving for the party. My little angel, however, was a bit more confident and louder. My little angel reminded me how loose the jeans from the week before were getting already. Plus, she reminded me that my goal for the end of September was to be in the even next size smaller than those jeans. So if I tried them on and still couldn't get them zippered, it would be even more inspiration to increase my levels in the fitness center. She also reminded me I've just about achieved my weight loss goal for this first phase, so I have to commit and stay motivated to reach my next size goal too.
Needless to say, I tend to go with my little angel's advice more and more these days - so I went for it! I tore off the tags, tried on the jeans and Viola - they fit!!!! And they weren't too snug either - I could still breath and sit down comfortably - and by the end of the night - no red marks on my waist either!!! HAPPY DANCE!!!!
This little victory did wonders for my confidence levels and completely put my anxiety at ease. I even felt confident enough to wear a sleeveless top too. I haven't worn a sleeveless top out in public in years. I've worn them around the house or to work out, even a couple times when I was only going to be around my closest family members. But this time, I felt pretty enough when I looked in the mirror, another first in few years. So I left the sleeveless shirt on, through on some earrings, my new ring and headed out the door.
Truth be told, I did have a couple moments later, when a few of our photographer cousins insisted on taking my picture. One was a group shot and another was just me alone. I'm still not sure I want to see those, but I didn't break down in tears or run away. So another little victory for my little angel and me. And pray my little angel is still strong enough when I see the pictures to keep me from crying.
The party was really good for me too. One of my other goals from my health coach, as you may remember, is to accept compliments. My cousin, Sue, who hosted the party, came up to me right away when I got there and gave me a huge hug! She not only told me how good I looked and how proud she was of me, but also, how she loved reading my blog and said I was a really good writer. Even as I type this, its a little hard to share, since my little devil is reminding me how all the nuns would tell us to be humble and not brag about our accomplishments. Course, my little angel reminds me, that I need to share this, as all positive feedback helps keep my motivated. So thank you Sue for your great compliments!!!! As other cousins arrived, I received more compliments and instead of just shrinking back, I openly accepted and thanked each person. But not to worry - none of it went to my head. I'm still the same and still have a ways to go. Just storing them all for motivation when I have a weak moment. :-)
Later I went on to my first week of bowling with my new team that night. I had just seen most of them the 2nd week in August, so wasn't expecting them to notice much difference. I was surprisingly wrong! My friend Ruth told me right away should could tell in my face. I looked completely different - in a good way. Course, I think a bigger and some what funnier compliment was when a new couple on my team thought I was in my early to mid-30's. Now I know I'm supposed to just graciously accept compliments, but I do have to admit a little alcohol what involved. I do often look younger then my age, but not by 10+ years. Still, it was still nice to hear.
All those compliments were great, and helped me stay on target for the rest of the weekend. Which was very much needed as I had a weigh in day earlier than expected. Today was a follow up visit with the nurse to retake measurements and blood work. I still have to wait for the blood work results and might have them tomorrow.
But here's the results of my other measurements
I lost almost inch from my waist - If you remember at half-way, I didn't lose any, but was OK with that since my waist had always been proportionately smaller.
I lost a whole inch in my neck too! Overall - looks like just 1/2 in from week one. Course, I have to remind you here too that was because Nurse Debbie took my first measurements, and the increase at half-way was probably because each nurse measures differently.
I lost 2 more inches from my hips! Another huge victory! The grand total since July - 6 inches gone forever!!!
My BMI score also went down another 1/2 point, for a total of 10.5 point decrease from July!
My blood pressure was about the same. The DBP number was lower. But I don't have high blood pressure concerns, so I'm good. The only thing that was strange was that this time, she could barely find it because it was so faint. So she hooked me up to their automated machine. I guess I was so relaxed I was almost dead. LOL Seriously though...really low blood pressure runs in my family, so not worried.
The only thing that made me nervous was that my waist to hip ratio went from a .074 to .076. She said not to worry. 0.80 was normal, so I was in the good range. And as long as I'm still losing weight and inches, its no concern right now for me. So my little angel is relaxing on this one.
According to their scale, I've lost another 0.4 lbs from last week. So I'm now only 1.2 lbs away from my goal. I'm not really going to focus too much on this one since I still have my weekly group tomorrow, and I'm hoping it will be even closer tomorrow.
One other thing I've gained from this experience, is my ability to stay "Glass Half-Full". I've had some really interesting emotional struggles this last month. Very close friends, who are like family, being diagnosed with cancer, job stress and some other minor family drama. All which would have made me want to go out and have ice cream or other sugary/fatty foods to help ease away the stress. But I didn't. Instead, thanks to all my support, I was quickly able to just find the silver-lining in each moment or day and stay on track. It seems to get easier each day. So if I can just inspire one of you who are thinking about becoming healthier, just commit to 3 weeks. Not a life time, just 3 weeks. Don't say you will "try", say you "will". Don't say you "can't", say you "want to". When life dumps a bucket of crap in the middle of your road, plants some flower seeds in it and move on. Something more beautiful and happier really truly is just waiting to bloom to make your life a better one. And Trust Me - I know -Its definitely easier said then done, but those first couple of steps to change, are so worth it. I'm only partially through my journey, but I still feel very confident that I will be doing my photo shoot next summer. And if I've inspired any of you to do the same, please let me know. We can do the photo shoot together.
Thanks again for all you support! Love you all!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment