Some Days Are Harder Than Others

One of my good friends from college, Kathie, told me way back when, that this blog would be a good way to not only inspire others, but also to read all the struggles I went through, but undoubtedly overcame.   So I decided to share the bad with the good, in case it helps anyone to know they are not alone. 

 

This week, has been one of the most emotional weeks I've ever had to deal with since I started this new journey. While I wanted to be happy about all my accomplishments this week, those happy moments were overshadowed by a lot of difficult emotional days, some even made worse by shockingly harsh, untrue and mean accusations made about me.  

Many days I just wanted to resort back to comfort food or crawl into bed and just forget everything.  Not to mention, several nights were I just cried myself to sleep.  But as much as my little devil tried to convince me that crying would eliminate extra water weight and sodium, my little angel said it really wouldn't solve anything, and worse yet, could just be the same trigger that slowly leads back to my old self-sabotage ways.  

I'm sure many of you deal with all sorts of emotional days.  My week consisted of everything from worrying about a close family's mother, who had breast cancer surgery, minor anxiety over an annual physical (including on going pain from the tetanus shot),  some minor anxiety over work issues, then eye opening realization that some people just weren't the supportive loving people they claimed to be, and accused me of being someone I wasn't.  But the hardest was feeling completely devastated and heartbroken that someone even closer to me, not only started to believe what these others were saying, but also didn't stand up and defend me, as I would have done for them had the roles been reversed.     

In the past when moments like this happened, my little devil would just help me withdraw and hide from the world until I felt like getting out and dealing with life again.   Sometimes only a day, sometimes longer.   I didn't stay locked up in my house, but I pretty much just went through the motions of each day pretending to be OK, so no one knew on the inside, I was sobbing uncontrollably.  My little devil would convince me this was normal, as it was just a way to heal myself and be stronger later.    It didn't help that back then, my little angel would just silently go along with this thinking too.  But I know now, that its not healthy to withdraw.  Even better, I've learned that reaching out for help, even if it just having a shoulder to cry on or vent my frustrations, helps so much more!  It clears my mind and put things back into prespective so I can get back on track with my goals sooner.   Unfortunately, it just took a little bit longer this week.

As I already mentioned, I didn't make it through this week without shedding some tears, and even gave in to some of my little devil's influences.   But that's exactly why I've decided to post this entry.  I have good days and bad days, but I'm learning now how not to let the bad days control my destiny forever anymore.   So hopefully writing about it helps anyone else who struggles with emotional eating or just emotional challenges that get in the way of acheiving our life long goals. 

This week, I managed to eat healthy, but I didn't exercise like I should have. Course, there were days I just didn't feel well because of my allergy migraines and possible tetanus shot side affects.   But now that the week is done and over, my little angel is disappointed with allowing my little devil to have so much more influence over my exercising this week.   Due to meetings being scheduled during my lunch hours, working out during them was not possible.  My little angel would remind me that I could work out after work or even come in earlier in the morning.  I even allowed my not feeling well to justify not going to walk with my mom.  When all and all, exercise might have been the little energy boost that I needed to lift my spirits.   My little angel even tried reminding me about how my Health Coach told me to  get a library card and check out exercise DVDs for free there. 

So earlier this week, I looked up where my library was and what I needed to have with me to get my library card.   Current utility bill - check!  Photo ID with current address - check!   As luck would have it, I just received my ComEd bill and it was in my train bag.   Must be a sign!  

After work, I drove to the library & stood in line waiting to get my new library card.   As I stood there, I noticed all the DVD's around and couldn't wait to see what exercise videos they would have for me.  They even seemed to have a fundraiser going on, which included purchasing various gift baskets, some of which, I could tell had DVDs, but not sure which ones.   I made a little mental note to check those out after I got my card.   

Soon it was my turn.  Like a giddy school girl, I proudly presented my bill and ID and announced that I was there to get a library card.   The librarian was very pleasant and eager to help.   She matched up my bill and ID and said it was good that they matched and were in Frankfort.   But then she asked if I was North of Delany/Steger Rd.   My giddy school girl's heart dropped as I told her no, I was just South of there.   She politely apologized and said I wasn't in their library district, I was in PEOTONE's!!!!  I would have to go get my card from them, but they would allow me to check out materials from their library once I had my card.   The librarian even went and got me a map so I would know where the Peotone Library was.   As I left, I allowed my little devil to just convince me to go home and left Bailey out.  I hadn't been home yet, and he had already been waiting, so I would do it another day.  Course, now, here I am on Sunday, and I still don't have a library card.   But I'm making a promise to my little angel that I will absolutely be getting a library card this week.  No more excuses!

 

Also, to further motivate myself, I made a little purchase to remind myself of my end-of-September goal.   Not only did I commit to losing 24 pounds, but I had a clothing size goal too.   Last week, I was happily excited when I tried on a pair of jeans in the back of my closet that were just one size away from my goal.  Being able to drop one more size in 3 weeks was definitely possible. Fortunately this week, I was still able to maintain my healthy eating habits.  So when I put on the same jeans from last week today, I did do another little happy dance, as they are already starting to feel looser in some spots.   My little angel told me if I committed to exercising again and add a little more weight training, there should be no reason why I can't be in my goal size before I leave for my work conference to San Antonio on Sept 30th.    To help keep that goal in my mind, my little angel also convinced me to check out the jeans at Walmart.   Yes - Walmart.  My budget right now doesn't include a lot of frivolous spending, but as luck would have it, there was one pair left in my goal size on the clearance rack.   My little angel took that as a sign that this little $9 investment was just what I needed to get me over this emotional hump.   In the past, I probably spent $9 easy on emotional foods like ice cream, candy and other sugary foods, so it was not only OK, but a much better way to spend the money.   These are now hanging on my bedroom door as a reminder every day what my goal is and also as a reminder not to let my little devil and other non-supportive people to deter me from my goals.  

 

My other inspiration to keep me on track with my goal, is something my Dad told me years ago.  Strangely enough, I was just sharing this with another friend, who is going through some really difficult changing times in his life.  He was feeling down because he too, wasn't getting the support from those who he thought would always be there for him too.   As I was sharing my Dad's simple, but oh so true advice, my little angel reminded me that I needed this reminder this week too.    So in case it helps anyone else, here is one of the best pieces of advice my Dad ever gave me:

 

"Stop living your life and making decisions to make others happy or to gain their approval.  Those who really care and support you really only want to see you happy.  Start living your life and making decisions that make you happy, don't make them to make someone else happy.   Once they see you are truly happy, they will be happy for you and leave you alone.   If they aren't happy for you then, they were never supportive or caring, and never would be.  But it won't matter, because you will already be happy and won't feel the need for their approval anymore anyways." 

 

I can't undo my choices from last week.  But I can learn from them, and with the help of my Dad's heartfelt advice, my little angel and all the great wonderful people out there, who continue to support and care for me, I feel confident and happy again.  So thank you all.  

I hope writing about my struggles this week still helps those of you who are struggling like me, to continue on and not give up.  Having ups and downs brought on my life's emotional curve balls, is all about every day life.   Even if we do allow them to influence in a bad way at first, we can't give up.   Just like the saying goes, get back up in the saddle and keep going after your goal.  

 

Thank you all once again for helping me get through a really tough week.   I love you all!!!

JUST A QUICK UPDATE

Flowers from another group member.

Since I posted an update yesterday, I won't make this one too long. 

Today was the last group weigh in meeting of this pilot program.  I still have a weigh in next week with my health coach, and then we won't be officially meeting again until October 9th.   I'll admit I'm a little nervous, but our Health Coach said I can continue to come down on Tuesdays to weigh in.  So I definitely plan on doing that. 

Today was a mixed bag of emotions for all of us.   The negative folks continued to be negative about the program.  Strangely enough, they're the ones who also didn't shed any pounds, and continued to blame their lack of success on other outside factors.   Like going to weddings, birthday and other summer parties.  As my little angel and I listened, I realized something about myself was different this time.   I used to be one of those who let my little devil blame my bad weeks on events like that being a part of life.   But I've had many parties and holiday get togethers since July 3, and I still continued to lose weight.   This realization once again is making me feel confident that all of this has finally clicked in my brain, and I will finally make this a permanent healthy life-style change once and for all.

Later in the group, our health coach asked us to go around and state what our successes were for the week.   She made me start, which I usual hate.  I let everyone know that I shed a whole 1 pound this week.  So officially only 0.6 lbs away from my target for this program!     My group cheered me.   One even went on to tell me that she thought I was crazy in the beginning for making that my goal, and thought it was very unrealistic.  She thought it was also irresponsible for our health clinic to allow me to even make that goal.  But now, she can see that it was not only realistic, but possible.  So she thanked me for showing her it could be done.   My little angel reminded me to thank her for her kind words, and not make excuses for my hard work.

Next, another woman in our group passed out flowers to each of us.  She said that regardless of where each of us were in our goals, she was so proud of all of us for not giving up.  And hopes each of us agree to sign up with the maintenance program, because she hopes to continue on this journey with each of us. 

When the meeting was over, one other woman came up to me.  She was normally very quiet so when she shared the following with me, I was beyond touched and even had a few tears form in my eyes.   She told me that I was her hero.  She didn't have a lot of support at home from her husband, and almost gave up.  But my positive energy and ability to constantly lose weight every week kept her going.  She wanted to thank me and tell me that she felt so blessed that I was a part of her group.   Her words were so sincere and heartfelt, that as I wiped away the tears now forming, all I could do was give her a hug, and say "Thank You".   

Getting Closer to the End of the Phase One

I still have a ways to go, but this past weekend was really good for me.  I was invited to a cousin's house for a little gathering.  

It was the first time in a while that I really felt comfortable and excited about going out to see people I don't always get to see.  I can be honest now.  The past few years I would cringe and have mini-anxiety attacks about going to various events in public.    My little devil would allow the shame and embarrassment of how I felt about the way I looked, to cause huge anxiety attacks, to the point I'd be in tears as I be going out the door.  I've talked about how I hated having my picture taken, but I don't think some people really understand the depth that it went into my head.  But I now know there are a lot of people out there who understand the depth this fear can have on a person.  So I'm more comfortable talking about it, hoping my journey helps them too. 

Prior to the party, I started to get nervous and over think about what to wear.   My cousin, Ann could tell you millions of stories about how I would change 5 or 6 times before we would go out in college.  And that would just be for dinner.  LOL  I've always been a little self-conscience about feeling pretty and confident.   My sisters could share tons of stories probably too.  

Anyway- prior to the party, I knew I was already able to wear a size smaller pair of jeans, since I had worn them the week before.   They were starting to feel a little looser, but I wasn't quite sure they were loose enough to try some of the next size smaller jeans I had been hanging on to.   I was all set to stick just the one size smaller pair and see if I could find a new-old shirt in my closet to wear with it.   As I was going through the clothes in the "skinny" part of my closet, I came across a pair of jeans I bought on clearance about 2 1/2 years ago.   They were 2 sizes smaller than what I was wearing this past July and still had the tags on them!

Instantly my little devil and angel were pulling my head in different directions.  My little devil was reminding me about when I bought them. I hadn't tried them on in the store, and when I got home, I couldn't get them over my hips, let alone zippered.    My little devil said not to try them on because if they don't fit yet, I would depress myself before leaving for the party.   My little angel, however, was a bit more confident and louder.   My little angel reminded me how loose the jeans from the week before were getting already.   Plus, she reminded me that my goal for the end of September was to be in the even next size smaller than those jeans.  So if I tried them on and still couldn't get them zippered, it would be even more inspiration to increase my levels in the fitness center.   She also reminded me I've just about achieved my weight loss goal for this first phase, so I have to commit and stay motivated to reach my next size goal too. 

Needless to say, I tend to go with my little angel's advice more and more these days - so I went for it!  I tore off the tags, tried on the jeans and Viola - they fit!!!!   And they weren't too snug either - I could still breath and sit down comfortably - and by the end of the night - no red marks on my waist either!!!   HAPPY DANCE!!!!   

This little victory did wonders for my confidence levels and completely put my anxiety at ease.    I even felt confident enough to wear a sleeveless top too.   I haven't worn a sleeveless top out in public in years.   I've worn them around the house or to work out, even a couple times when I was only going to be around my closest family members.  But this time, I felt pretty enough when I looked in the mirror, another first in few years.  So I left the sleeveless shirt on, through on some earrings, my new ring and headed out the door.  

Truth be told, I did have a couple moments later, when a few of our photographer cousins insisted on taking my picture.   One was a group shot and another was just me alone.  I'm still not sure I want to see those, but I didn't break down in tears or run away.  So another little victory for my little angel and me.  And pray my little angel is still strong enough when I see the pictures to keep me from crying. 

The party was really good for me too.   One of my other goals from my health coach, as you may remember, is to accept compliments.    My cousin, Sue, who hosted the party, came up to me right away when I got there and gave me a huge hug!  She not only told me how good I looked and how proud she was of me, but also, how she loved reading my blog and said I was a really good writer.   Even as I type this, its a little hard to share, since my little devil is reminding me how all the nuns would tell us to be humble and not brag about our accomplishments.  Course, my little angel reminds me, that I need to share this, as all positive feedback helps keep my motivated.   So thank you Sue for your great compliments!!!!   As other cousins arrived, I received more compliments and instead of just shrinking back, I openly accepted and thanked each person.   But not to worry - none of it went to my head.  I'm still the same and still have a ways to go.   Just storing them all for motivation when I have a weak moment. :-)

Later I went on to my first week of bowling with my new team that night.  I had just seen most of them the 2nd week in August, so wasn't expecting them to notice much difference.   I was surprisingly wrong!  My friend Ruth told me right away should could tell in my face.  I looked completely different - in a good way.   Course, I think a bigger and some what funnier compliment was when a new couple on my team thought I was in my early to mid-30's.    Now I know I'm supposed to just graciously accept compliments, but I do have to admit a little alcohol what involved.   I do often look younger then my age, but not by 10+ years.   Still, it was still nice to hear.  

All those compliments were great, and helped me stay on target for the rest of the weekend.  Which was very much needed as I had a weigh in day earlier than expected.   Today was a follow up visit with the nurse to retake measurements and blood work.     I still have to wait for the blood work results and might have them tomorrow.

But here's the results of my other measurements

I lost almost inch from my waist - If you remember at half-way, I didn't lose any, but was OK with that since my waist had always been proportionately smaller.

I lost a whole inch in my neck too!  Overall - looks like just 1/2 in from week one.  Course, I have to remind you here too that was because Nurse Debbie took my first measurements, and the increase at half-way was probably because each nurse measures differently.  

I lost 2 more inches from my hips!  Another huge victory!  The grand total since July - 6 inches gone forever!!!

My BMI score also went down another 1/2 point, for a total of 10.5 point decrease from July! 

My blood pressure was about the same.  The DBP number was lower.   But I don't have high blood pressure concerns, so I'm good.  The only thing that was strange was that this time, she could barely find it because it was so faint.  So she hooked me up to their automated machine.   I guess I was so relaxed I was almost dead.  LOL   Seriously though...really low blood pressure runs in my family, so not worried. 

The only thing that made me nervous was that my waist to hip ratio went from a .074 to .076.   She said not to worry.  0.80 was normal, so I was in the good range.  And as long as I'm still losing weight and inches, its no concern right now for me.   So my little angel is relaxing on this one. 

According to their scale, I've lost another 0.4 lbs from last week.  So I'm now only 1.2 lbs away from my goal.  I'm not really going to focus too much on this one since I still have my weekly group tomorrow, and I'm hoping it will be even closer tomorrow. 

One other thing I've gained from this experience, is my ability to stay "Glass Half-Full".   I've had some really interesting emotional struggles this last month.   Very close friends, who are like family, being diagnosed with cancer,  job stress and some other minor family drama.  All which would have made me want to go out and have ice cream or other sugary/fatty foods to help ease away the stress.  But I didn't.  Instead, thanks to all my support, I was quickly able to just find the silver-lining in each moment or day and stay on track.   It seems to get easier each day.   So if I can just inspire one of you who are thinking about becoming healthier, just commit to 3 weeks.  Not a life time, just 3 weeks.  Don't say you will "try", say you "will".   Don't say you "can't", say you "want to".   When life dumps a bucket of crap in the middle of your road, plants some flower seeds in it and move on.   Something more beautiful and happier really truly is just waiting to bloom to make your life a better one.   And Trust Me - I know -Its definitely easier said then done, but those first couple of steps to change, are so worth it.   I'm only partially through my journey, but I still feel very confident that I will be doing my photo shoot next summer.   And if I've inspired any of you to do the same, please let me know.   We can do the photo shoot together.  

Thanks again for all you support!  Love you all!!!

ANOTHER REASON WHY GETTING BACK ON TRACK DOES WORK!!!

Yes – It was weigh in day today!   For most people, its probably a horrible thought to have to weigh in right after a long holiday weekend, typically surrounded by lots of food.  In the past, my little devil would relish when weigh in days were later in the so I could have more time to work off the added calories.  But for my little angel and me, I love when that happens now.   It’s a great reminder not to over do it because I don’t want to see bad results on the scale. 

Plus, instead of working off “extra calories”, I focus on working off “stored calories” now. 

Like probably some of you,  I am not a fan of going to work out in a gym.  I’ll do it, but its not something that excites me.   I must prefer to get my exercise from doing various activities.   Walking outdoors is great, because it allows me to explore and take in a lot of pretty, beautiful things.  While I did enjoy and hope to get back to the Kankakee River State Park, just walking around the neighborhoods is great too.  There’s always something great to see walking on the country farm roads, be it other horses or dogs.  But there’s also pretty wild flowers, interesting décor, 100+ year old cemeteries and beautiful clouds and sunsets.  None of which I would see if I were in a gym.

 

Course, as I’m increasing my activity levels, I am always looking for new ideas to keep me active and increase my endurance levels. I miss the days when I got my exercise in playing softball, volleyball or broomball, not to mention the hundreds of calories I would burn off dancing the night away.   But all the folks I used to do those activities with have lives that are too busy to do those things regularly.  So I look for new activities to do on my own.   

One of the other great things about my work, is that they also write a healthy blog to keep all employees motivated, even if they aren’t on this program.   Their timing this week included a bunch of different activities, and broke down how many calories you could burn by doing each one.  So I’m sharing below this entry for any of you also looking for new activities.  

Ok…I know…you’re all waiting to read how I did last week.   Well….drum roll please………….

I shed another 3.4 pounds, basically making up for my 1.8 gain last week, plus an additional 1.6 gone!   

Happy Dance Time!

Next week will be my last week for the group meetings for this pilot program.  After that, there will be the week with another Nurse Visit and the following week with the Health Coach as part of this program.   In week on, I set up a SMART goal of wanting to shed 24 lbs during the 12 week program. If you remember, one woman, a long time Weight Watchers attendee, tried to discourage me from setting this goal.  Said everyone starting out a new program thinks they can lose 2lbs a week, but it really happens.  So I should lower my goal as not to be disappointed at the end of the 12 weeks.   Well, I didn’t listen to her.  I was done with excuses and my health coach confirmed that with a little dedication, a 24 lb weight loss goal in 12 weeks was attainable for myself.  So when it came time to talk about our challenges and successes today, I was very proud to announce that with 9 weeks into this program, I only have 1.6 lbs left to shed to reach my 24 lb goal for this first phase!   Yeah!!!!   My little angle and devil are both cheering “Way to Go Sue for doing it finally without any weight loss gimmicks!” 

Thanks again to all your continued support.  Every like or view of my blog is just added encouragement and support helping me stay on track!   We should be finding out soon what and when Phase 2 will begin after these 12 weeks are over.  I definitely will be signing up and continuing with my independent Health Coaching outside this program.   And yes…Deb…I’m working on the cook book too!   J

Here's the article: 

Alternative Activities That Burn Calories

By Charles Stuart Platkin, PhD, MPH © Copyright 2012, by Charles Stuart Platkin. All rights reserved.

The best way to lose weight is to do some kind of activity every day.

The best one is walking; however, it’s also important to do other activities to help burn even more calories and create an active lifestyle. Here are a few alternative activities and the calories they burn. Keep in mind that the calorie-burn level is for a 155-pound person, and the more you weigh, the more you burn. Also, note that these burn rates apply only when you’re actually doing something, not when you’re simply standing around, such as in the outfield waiting for someone to hit the ball your way.

Hacky Sack (aka Footbag) vs. Paddleball vs. Kickball

Developed in the 1970s by two Oregonians, a Hacky Sack is a crocheted bag slightly smaller than a tennis ball and larger than a golf ball. It weighs about 1 1/2 to 2 ounces. The bag is filled with sand, pebbles, beans or beads. The idea is to use your feet to keep the footbag in the air as long as you can. You can also play with other people simply by standing in a circle and passing the bag around, again trying to keep it in the air. Hacky Sack burns about 281 calories per hour.

Paddleball, similar to handball but played with a paddle, burns about 422 calories per hour. The game is fast-paced and great exercise. For more information visit the National Paddleball Association.

Kickball is pretty easy to play and can be loads of fun. The rules are similar to baseball, and it can be played almost anywhere. It burns about 492 calories per hour of actual play (which doesn’t include the waiting-around parts). Visit the World Adult Kickball Association for an explanation of the rules and to find an organized league near you.

Pulling Weeds vs. Croquet vs. Lawn Bowling

Gardening does burn calories. In fact, getting on your hands and knees and crawling around pulling weeds can burn about 316 calories per hour.

Lawn bowling is not about setting up pins on your weed-free lawn; it’s actually more similar to bocce ball than regular bowling. You need about 70 to 120 feet of lawn to create a “bowling green,” but if you’re not playing a major competition, I’m sure you could make it a bit shorter. The idea is to get your lawn bowling ball, which is slightly larger than your hand, near the “jack,” which is a pool cue-ball-sized white ball placed in the distance. Lawn bowling burns about 211 calories per hour. For more information visit the U.S. Lawn Bowls Association.

Croquet is another lawn game, and it burns about 176 calories per hour. You need mallets, which are sticks with a hammer-like bottom, to strike the croquet ball. The idea is to move the balls through the hoops (or wickets) on the course. Croquet sets can be purchased for about $120, and you can set up the course in your backyard. For more information visit the U.S. Croquet Association.

Table Tennis (ping pong) vs. Squash

If you know anything about squash, you’ll know it’s the clear winner in terms of calorie burn — about 844 calories per hour. Squash is a racquet sport played with a hollow rubber ball on an indoor court and using several walls. Unfortunately, finding a squash court is not always easy or free. Your best bet is to look for a squash club in your area and take lessons — it’s not that easy to learn. For more information visit US Squash.

Table tennis is a fun, simple way to burn calories. The cost of a ping pong or table tennis table starts at about $250. The table is 9 feet long and 5 feet wide, and you will probably need about 4 to 6 feet on each end and about 3 to 4 feet on each side to actually play the game. Table tennis burns 281 calories per hour. Just for the record, regular tennis burns about 562 calories per hour if you’re playing singles. For more information visit USA Table Tennis.

Canoeing vs. Kayaking vs. Paddle Boating

Canoeing is romantic, fun, relaxing and can provide hours of entertainment. It also burns from about 211 to 490 calories per hour, depending on how hard you’re paddling. You can go to a lake, rent a canoe for the day, and take the entire family on an outing. Along those same lines, rowing a boat burns about the same number of calories. Before you try either one, it helps to make sure your core muscles have been strengthened for a few months to avoid back injury.

Kayaking is a bit more difficult, but it burns even more calories — about 350 just for starters. If you want a more interesting activity, try using a paddleboat, which burns about 281 calories per hour.

Looking for places to row your boat, paddle a canoe or go kayaking? Go to Recreation.gov for information on canoeing and kayaking at the more than 388 National Park Service areas and 3,200 federal recreation areas. You should also check out The American Canoe Association.

Horseback Riding

It may look like the horse does all the work, but that’s not the case. Horseback riding burns calories and can be hard work. Just sitting on a horse while it’s walking can burn about 246 calories per hour; trotting burns 457 calories per hour. There’s also a lot more to horses than meets the eye — they’re very sensitive animals and will actually “read” your personality type and react. That’s probably one of the reasons horses are often used in therapy — it’s called equine therapy. Even grooming a horse can help to promote emotional growth (and it also burns more than 200 calories per hour).